crashed bus

from 2 nights ago–

i am hurriedly getting on a bus or a shuttle which is supposed to transport me from one end of a compound to a middle area. to walk this would take quite awhile as i would have had to go around a lake or river of some sort, but taking the shuttle is quick. the stop i need is the next one, and if i miss it, i will have to walk very far. it feels as if this is urgent i make the right stop, since it is possible it is my last chance to use this shuttle.

once on the shuttle i become very irritated with the driver who is swerving madly, knocking me about the van (it seemed more like a van than a bus). in defiance, and a bit of immature retaliation, i spontaneously decide to stand up and ram my body very hard into the side of the van, causing it to swerve even more. in a very brief instant i become aware that my entire life has been leading up to this point, this decision to do this, and that since we were on a very narrow unprotected bridge, i understood fully that i had initiated my own death.

the van, which now only houses myself, plunges into the rivulet beneath the bridge. it is surprisingly shallow, but high enough to cover the van, and the waters are rather stagnant  and murky and green. green with material floating in it, plant material.

in the dark van at the bottom of this rivulet i calmly decide that i have no intention of making this the end of my life, and i begin to look for a way to lower the windows so that i might attempt to swim out. along the entire side of the van are very cyber looking controls and buttons, tons of them lit up like the dashboard of a science fiction vehicle. i roll the palm of my hand across some of them and a window opens, causing water to rush in. i open another window at the back of the van.

i should swim out, i am thinking, and at this point the dream moves immediately into another completely unrelated one. the beginning of this dream i remember as being similarly unrelated, though i cannot recall any details of what comes before or after. in a sense, it is as if this dream was a transition from one state of being into another, with the emphasis being more at my decision at the crossroads of a sort, and not so much on the actualities of my experiences.

i mean, even just the keywords outline the gist, lol. bridge, open windows, controls….

~ by alchemivida on April 20, 2008.