reaching out about the loop of poison, charity work

i unfortunately ‘misplaced’ most of my nightly contents, and i am left with brief fragments.

 i know early in the night i was trying to talk to justin (navigator) about my sadness and the stuff that i had blogged emotionally about yesterday. in particular i was relaying the manner in which my parents, or my childhood, had caused a particular discomfort. not understanding, and knowing that my parents were elsewhere, he says that i need my parents to come back. i quickly explain myself, since the return of my parents would certainly not resolve any of the particular issues.

 (perhaps in the dream i chose justin because of his adoptiveness, and a sort of secret inner relating to orphanhood, or an imposed self-sufficiency that is learned, cultivated, but then resented the entire life.)

the other fragment right before the alarm went off–

i was some sort of blond newscaster, very outside myself and inhabiting someone else. i am conducting a news story that is being aired on some particular charity i am involved in. the camera is on some guy that has been helping, and the story is also on this guy (he happens to be my trickster animus). he is distracted with roughhousing with some young boy on a basketball court, and then he moseys over for the interview.

as i write this, M is reporting to me her dream that she had to tiptoe around because i was convinced the floor was dirty. her pawpaw was there and thought she was crazy for tiptoeing. there were another details.

~ by alchemivida on March 24, 2008.